What I didn’t understand is that he didn’t even say goodbye.

I can’t understand why he had to go.

HE DIDN’T SAY GOODBYE, and it hurts.

I dunno what the hell is wrong with me. I’ve been dropping things like mad. First I almost lost my ezlink card cuz I rushed to pick up a phone call from Jeff. Then now I realized I lost 50 fucking bloody dollars. Lucky day huh. And even better, my mother thought I spent the money. What the crap. It isn’t like I’m not feeling guilty enough. I dunno what to say, how to feel. I think I may leave sch early. It’s horrible. HORRIBLE. I dunno if repititions of Feltbeats will help either.

look at me
i don’t need your pity
your fucking stupid lecturing
when deep inside you’re giggling.

fuck you
you really think we care
it doesn’t matter
i won’t see you anymore, anyway

insulting
your word cut deep
but i can say
your fucking life ain’t perfect
don’t look at me like i need yr
fucking sympathy

For goodness sake, who the heck is he? Bloody hell k. I don’t even know his name.

He’s like the joke of the fucking day. much less to say, we treated him like entertainment.

But no one needs to know that. I’m not perfect, but neither is he.

Thanks for the shit.

As she stood up, her eyes closed. She took a deep breath and felt the serenity seep into her skin. Her senses tingled as her eyes fluttered open. She understood. Nothing could ever be more calming standing here with the horizon spreaded out in front of her. She was one with nature. No one, not even that man, would ever be able to take this peace away from her.

Soon… Soon it will be the right time to return to the place where she belonged. Not yet…not yet…. soon… just not yet…

Right. Erm… That was crap. Total bullshit, but it’s how I felt for that 5 mins when I was typing and thinking and living the peace. Hehheh.

Everyone is giggling like mad now in class. Especially that [-]. I don’t know what he is laughing at but I know that the class is somehow laughing at him. Not that I care. I mean, seriously. No one laugh when the joke is on him right? But [-] is laughing. Dumbass. BIG dumbass.

=.=

Anyway, I realize that RP culture consist of quite a few addiction. But the top 2 addictions are CORN and WAFFLES. Chev, Sarah and Amir are the bonko addict in my class. I’m the corno addict. Stupid? Yeah. LoLs…

And E35Q LOVES TO LAUGH. No day goes by without at least one major laughing session, but of course, [-] is the joke that tickle the most. I’m trying not to be mean cuz I was in his group once(UNLUCKY!) and I tried my best to co-operate with him. In the end that CCND did the wrong slide(he did MINE!) and I had to make Ga Yan do the last bit of the tht he was supposed to do.

BLEAH!! I hate [-]. Ugh, don’t even know why I blog about him. *puking*

the spite in your eyes
i will never forget
the hate in your cry
will be un-forgotten

don’t forgive me
but do forget
the pain in my eyes

and then let rage
live in you
feed on you

Oh, goodness. What lousy poem I’ve written.

No, I’m not emo, not upset about anything either. Just felt that I need to get those 3 short stupid stanzas out of my system.

~o~

By the way, I feel like knitting something Slytherin. I know I know… I’m all into Sevvy and Lucius now. Hot hot!!

Slytherin rocks, but Gryffindor still the one in my heart!!

Oh, LOLs.

You guys heard of Slash before right? If you haven’t, or you have forgotten, Slash is a name for gay-gay (Yaoi) things. No offence here, I just dunno how to phrase my words. Anyway, I’m very much into Harry Potter Slash Fanfictions now and somehow it is getting on my nerves. I know. Why my nerves? Shouldn’t it be irritating my friends or the people around me instead of me, the one who is actually reading it?

Hah. It’s getting on my nerves because I’m reading it so much and it’s addictive like hell, and even when I’m not doing anything to trigger the spark of desire towards reading it, the need is there. Either I’m thinking of which story to read next or I’ll be wondering how to continue the writing of my story. Stupid right? I’m 17 freaking years old and still so caught up in fantasy. Yet fantasy is mostly what life holds for me right now.

I know. I’m not trying to be an ingrate towards those around me. However, it’s really crap cuz at times it seems like life doesn’t hold much for me. I’m waiting for myself to graduate and I’m so sure that I’m no longer gonna stay in this place. Maybe I’ll head south to an Aussie Uni for a couple of years, work abit, then return. I’m bored with Singapore. Really. I hope that before anything happens to me, I’ll be able to meet A.R. for at least once and ask him more than one answer. Please, God, YES. That is a prayer, not just a statement.

TEXAS: IN DEMAND

It’s the 11th of May today, and it is special, because it is MOTHER’s Day!! Yay!!! Happy mother’s day to all the mothers and mother-to-be’s on earth!! I’m glad that people are bothered to set a special day aside for their mothers! I myself am going to give my mom and granny a stalk of rose and a cake each. However, they are not back yet, so… It’s sort of getting on my nerves now…. Yeah. Haha. I hope that next year I can get them something more. Maybe to eat at a restaurant or something.

My granny havent had an easy life. My grandpa was a gambler and he was gone when I was one. My granny was a superwoman in her days. She was sorta the sole-breadwinner of the house and I really admire her strength. She grew up with about 6 other siblings and being the 2nd oldest, much of the family’s burden was entrusted upon her. Yet, she survived. SHE SURVIVED!!! Haha… So glad to have her. I think I’ll try to spend more time with her. As long as she doesn’t start her lectures, I’ll be glad to accompany her! Heh!

As for my mom, I’m very grateful for whatever she’s done. Without her, there wouldn’t have been a Stephanie Goh Jie Yi on earth blogging now! LOLs! Yeah… I love her and whatever she’s done for me. You know, she was risking her own life when she gave birth to me. Thank God, God gave me life and didn’t take away my mom’s. I’m really happy that she’s still here. I know because of the things that my dad did, she was very tempted to walk out on all of us. But she stayed! And that made me very grateful. Very VERY grateful. I won’t be able to live if she left. Seriously.

Anyway, Thanks moms! Thanks for living on and pushing forward for yr own children. No matter how difficult we are, we do love you! How could we not? You gave us our lives, our hope… You guys are the most amazing ones!! Love ya!!!

And yes, I LOVE MY MOM AND GRANNY!!!

Bloody hell.

I can still remember the day I hated and scorned RP. Yet now i know that I’m truly getting quite attached to this bloody school. Haha. Not just the school but the people as well. For example, I’ve been in E35Q for 5 weeks now and it’s really really attaching itself to my heart cuz I guess I fell for this class and its people as well. All my classmates…They are wonderful. Of course, there are the few exceptions that I can’t say much about like Joe, Josiah, and Gui Rong. I can have a bad impression of them, but them it’s not a really judgemental thing, is it?

LoLs.

E35Q rocks!

Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.

Have you seen the way Alan Rickman acts? The way he sings? No wonder J.K. Rowling thought he was purfect as Severus Snape! It’s AWESOME. A-W-E-S-O-M-E. I mean, just listening to him sing is like…GAWD. His voice….*Drools*…. And yes, I do think he is sexy and all… >:/

It’s really bad though. Lols. This is like….stranger than thinking that Johnny Depp is the sexiest. I mean. JD’s only around 40. Yeah, old enough to be my dad eh? But you know what? Alan Rickman’s 62 FREAAKING years old! Old enough to be my mum’s dad! Thats so odd!!! But yeah! I love him!!! AHHHH fuck!! Crush on a 62 year old, man! Its like… so weird! I mean, in the HP series he looks like he is forty. NOW I FIND OUT THAT HE IS 62! 62!

OH MY GOD.