snooke my world :)

It’s quite funny, because at the end of the day, I feel that I have no one out there for me. No one who would stop with me in the middle of the corridor just to watch clouds past by, no one would sit in macdonalds to have breakfast with me just because I felt that I don’t want to go to class, no one to lie in bed with me while I read slash or laugh at the stupidest things. I know my friends are there, but most of the time, I feel more alone than anything else.

I know it’s silly to think this way, but then again, no one would know me better than myself because, more often than not, while people talk and I listen, they don’t really return the favour. Maybe they hear what I say, but they don’t listen. So now, I’ve learnt to shut up. If people ask me questions, obviously I’ll answer. But I doubt they’ll understand when I speak in circles. And when they don’t understand, it becomes my fault because they can’t understand (neither do they take time to try), and they would just jump into conclusion that I’m too stupid to even understand what I’m say. In the end, they turn back to me and question me, “Do you even know what you’re talking about?”, with that are-you-dumb look on their face.

Look, people. Just because you can’t understand what I’m saying, doesn’t mean I’m not saying anything important. Even when I speak seriously, nobody seems to take in my words anyway. So why should I explain in the end? Think as you may, it doesn’t really matter.

~*~*~

Anyway, I’m not in the high moods nowadays. Until I can find someone who can stand my crap and the whole nine yards that come along with it, I doubt I’ll be able to remain cheerful and and stuff. That may take years, but I’ll wait. 

I know I sound really selfish now, but I’ll say that at times, I would be selfish. I thank my friends for being there. Geral especially. She seems to be able to accept me for who I am. But then, I’ve got too much that I can’t say. And that may just be the reason why I always feel that there’s a wall between me and the rest of the world.

I’m not a loner. I can share your happiness and your sadness. Just don’t expect the same out of me if I don’t tell you anything from the start. There are people out there that get only a glimpse of the inner soul here and as much as they may have accepted those glimpse, I’m afraid they’ll not be able to do so with the rest.

P.S.: I may have almost murdered a man. Can you believe that?